september 9 2022

Had another. In this one I was travelling around all the time in a huge sweeping landscape with so many colors. I travel by train, and I'm avoiding something back at the school I live at. The school is attended by groups of people from various places and time zones, so the school splits the twenty-four hour day into three eight-hour segments, one for each group to be up and working, and during the other two they sleep. I've been defying these strictures and I'm getting really worried about how much it's distancing me from people at the school. Several times repeatedly I decide it would be fun to ride the train with Elon Musk (????????) but he keeps getting off after one stop and abandoning me with this guy from the school who stresses me out. It makes me sad. The last time it happens, all three of us are in the caboose of a train that's super cramped and uninsulated and freezing cold. I'm sitting beside the guy I don't like and we are touching because the bench is so small. Elon is standing. I ask him about something and he gives me a condescending look and doesn't answer. He hops off the train car and vanishes. I suddenly realize all at once that Elon never really cared about spending time with me, and I decide to stop wasting my awake peiod taking these train rides with him. I tell the guy I don't like that I'm getting off at the next stop, and without meaning to, I tear into him, letting out all my frustration about Elon. I say something like listen, I just can't do this, I'm sick of it, I don't want to have ride the entire rest of this train ride with you, touching you, making conversation, I just don't want to do that. He begins to cry and pleads with me not to leave, which takes me off guard and makes me feel really bad about saying all that when I was really just upset about Elon. Now I'm also crying a little, and I reach out with a motion that doesn't physically make sense in the space, and cup his cheek in my hand, and I say something like oh no, it's going to be okay, please don't worry. Then I wake up.